The Speed of Forgiveness
I was thinking recently about the value our society puts on hurrying and speed. A good example is driving.
Exactly how many miles per hour can I drive above the speed limit and not get pulled over?
How many cars can I weave between to get through that next light before it turns red?
Most of us have had these sorts of thoughts a time or two in our driving career, and most of us have experienced the irritation of having someone cut us off in their hurry to get in front of everybody. One of my greatest driving pleasures is seeing someone cutting and weaving to beat the crowd only to be stuck in the wrong lane as I casually pass them at the next light.
Driving is just one of the things we get in a hurry about. There are many more. How fast we can lose some weight? How quickly can we get to sleep? How can we speed up a particular project? How soon can we get out of debt? None of these desires are necessarily wrong. In fact, efficiency and speed can be extremely valuable traits.
But of the many things we endeavor to be quick about, I’ve noticed that forgiveness is never at the top of the list. Yet, God is very fast about it.
1 John 1:9 (NLT)
If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
One of the things I enjoy about reading Scripture is noticing what it is not saying from time to time. Here it is not saying beg, or plead, or cry our eyes out. It’s just saying confess. To confess is simply to admit or acknowledge. Now it’s true that sometimes we feel better if we beg or plead or cry our eyes out, but that is not the requirement.
God knows we are going to mess things up.
Psalms 103:14 (NLT)
For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.
He knows our weaknesses and understands our temptations. This doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences to our decisions. But on a relational basis, the moment we admit our foolishness, we are forgiven. Since the decision to admit it is our responsibility, I actually believe God has forgiven us before we admit it. Our admission is just us catching up with what He has already done and part of the process of learning to forgive ourselves.
Have you noticed that some people get over their mistakes sooner than others? We see this all the time in sports. Everybody makes errors or steps out of bounds or fumbles the ball from time to time. With some athletes, a mistake will cause them to fall apart and either make more or play timid the rest of the game. With others, they shake the mistake off and get right back to playing well.
A few years ago, I was asked to meet with someone who was contemplating suicide. He had made some really bad investments and was about to lose everything. During our conversation, I gave him some examples of people who had made similar mistakes but were able to start over and were now doing quite well. I also shared with him some of my own stupid decisions. Then I told him to forgive himself already and move on. When we finished, he left with a different mindset. Yes, he had messed up and lost a lot financially, but he decided not to compound his mistakes further or cause greater grief to his family and friends. He forgave himself and started turning things around.
Romans 8:1 (NLT)
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.
Our ability to live free of condemnation is tied directly to the speed with which we can forgive ourselves.
We must admit our wrong. We should feel sorrow for our wrong. But the moment it moves from sorrow to shame we have embraced condemnation. Once we embrace condemnation, we are stuck. God has forgiven us, but we haven’t accepted it. There is nothing more He can do. He’s waiting on us to let it go. I’ll admit that sometimes it is difficult to let it go because of the severity of our foolishness, especially when it has deeply hurt someone else or resulted in long-lasting consequences. When the punishment for what we did stares us in the face every day, the temptation of shame is difficult to resist. To make matters worse, we often dwell on the seemingly never-ending negative thoughts delivered into our heads from the Devil, who loves to keep us thinking the worst about ourselves.
Satan is truly a creep. He tempts us to do something stupid; he encourages us as we do it; he lies and says it’s not that big of a deal. Then after we do it, he floods our mind with thoughts like, How could you be so stupid? No real Christian would ever do something like that. God is surely done with you now.
This is why it is so important for us to have a good understanding of how much God loves us and is for us. When we are in a good place relationally with God, we will see life from His perspective. We will be able to discern that the thoughts that bring us shame are not from Him. We will be able to comprehend how much He loves us. And when we get clarity about His love for us, we will become quicker to forgive ourselves.
So, how do we get in that good place with Him? It’s simple: spend time with Him, think about Him, talk to Him, listen to Him. Live in an awareness that He is with us all the time. As we do, two qualities will begin to develop: the ability to forgive ourselves and the ability to stop doing many of the things that require forgiveness. God not only shows us what is right, He gives us the strength to live it.
My encouragement for you is to speed up forgiveness. Now some of you might be thinking, That is great advice for me about myself, but how do I get faster at forgiving others? Well, the answer to that is also simple. Not necessarily easy but simple. When you endeavor to get in that good place with God and begin to understand how quickly and completely He forgives you, you not only get better at forgiving yourself, your ability to forgive others can’t help but improve along with it. I’ve never met anyone who truly understands God’s love and forgiveness and is able to hold a grudge toward others. A person can’t be close to God and not become more like Him.